Never ask me these

Thought this was a funny meme...what are the 3 most annoying questions dealing with parenthood you've been asked?

Oddly, I don't know of a single man that gets asked ANY of these things. Just Moms.

1. If you're here, who's taking care of the baby?
I'm always tempted to come out with a sarcastic answer. Something along the lines of "well, that kid who was raised by wolves came out okay, so we thought we'd let the dogs have a go.." or maybe "oh, he's fine. The trunk is roomy." It implys I'd just leave my baby alone somewhere and go to work. It's stupid and insulting. If I'm at work it means I have some sort of arrangement. Either a Nanny, Daycare, willing Grandparent, stay-at-home husband or other perfectly satisfactory care option. Also, it's really none of anyone's business.

2. Why did you go back to work? Don't you like being a Mom?
Ugh. Yes, I like being a Mom. But it's simply not an option for either of us to be single income right now. The mortgage must be paid and I'm nothing if not practical when it comes to such things. As if there was NOTHING in the world that could be a reason for working other than hating your baby. They must live in some sort of happy utopic society where hard currency is never an issue and everyone can do exactly as they please.

3. Why aren't you (insert whatever item pediatricians tell you is bad to do)? It's good for 'em.
"Because that's supposed to cause multiple organ failure" doesn't seem to be a good enough answer. Apparently 'multiple organ failure' builds character or something. I dunno, you'd think sickness, pain and death would be good reasons to avoid something. Call me crazy...

Tied for 3. You have dogs?? Aren't you afraid they'll attack your baby? That’s sooo irresponsible...
Wow. What kind of dogs do you have? Rabid Dingos? I actually have dogs. Dogs. You remember what those are right? People have them in their homes. They tell you "Timmy's in a well". They aid the handicapped. They have lived with humans for thousands of years....remember them? By the way, remind me to avoid your house. You said you had dogs and apparently you think it's normal for them to eat people.