Tuesday, March 13, 2012


I'm having a bit of a rough day today and have spent most of the morning in tears.

Nothing new has happened. Actually, today has been pretty decent.

The boys went off to Grandma's without a hitch. The internet is up and working so I can work today (I am now an independant contractor so we have income). And the weather outside is lovely.

I am just having one of those days where the weight of motherhood is pressing on me particularly hard and the stress of everything has me at a breaking point.

We were supposed to have Brody's surgery done by now, but thanks to diagnostic tests taking FOREVER to get scheduled and done (the MRI alone wanted us to wait 8 weeks, we thankfully didn't have to wait quite that long) we are still hanging around and waiting. We think they have all been finished, but his cardiologist took vacation till yesterday so nothing will be scheduled till today or tomorrow at the earliest. And then it will likely just be another consult, requests for blood work, and more waiting. I refuse to look for full time work till we have the surgery done and he's out of the hospital since home recovery is expected to be about another month and FMLA doesn't kick in till you've worked somewhere a year. That's all I need...start a new job and then get fired.

Thanks to the MRI, the worries I had about him and general anesthesia have been put to rest. So, at least that's one less thing. He wakes up quickly and vigorously--and angry.

I'm still praying that the Lourdes water did something. That maybe all we need now is to fix the valve via catheter (I can still feel his murmur). That he suddenly now has only 2 atriums instead of 3 and no longer has holes in his heart. The thought of my baby on a heart/lung machine is killing my soul.

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